10 days till Sheffield… or, why am I doing this?

“Damn, but I was made for these pontificating times.”

Okay, it’s far from a massive sell-out tour or anything of life-changing importance, but it’s significant to me.

Quite apart from the fact I’ve not played a proper show in a long while, the gig in Sheffield in 10 days’ time promises to be great; satisfying, worthwhile, the reason I got into all this in the first place (it’s easy to forget).  Played an open mic at the Brunswick here in Brighton – or Hove, depending on whom you ask – and again, while pretty low-key, it was quite a buzz.  I’d been so caught up in record release schlep, the music got a little neglected toward the end of last year – then everything ground to a halt with the enforced idleness of Xmas/New Yr… how I hate it… and it’s taken an age to shake off lassitude and personal shadows.  Energy deficit after last year’s progress, or intimations of futility?  After all, it’s only music.

I wonder sometimes about my motives.  Take the other players at the open mic, for instance; are they doing it “just” for fun?  Got something to say?  For a pure expression of creative impulse, an articulation of the life urge itself?  Delusions of imminent stardom?  Because they’re attention-seeking twats?

Ah, who cares:  all of the above probably, and no harm in any of it.  The point is, things are finally looking up.  And in ten days I get to resume playing live, in a decent venue on an interesting bill with a congenial audience.  Hopefully.  I get to ride and ride those pin-drop split seconds of awareness as the energy of thought-in-sound permeates the room.

O yes, I’ll have some of that.

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