10 days till Sheffield… or, why am I doing this?
“Damn, but I was made for these pontificating times.”
Okay, it’s far from a massive sell-out tour or anything of life-changing importance, but it’s significant to me.
Quite apart from the fact I’ve not played a proper show in a long while, the gig in Sheffield in 10 days’ time promises to be great; satisfying, worthwhile, the reason I got into all this in the first place (it’s easy to forget). Played an open mic at the Brunswick here in Brighton – or Hove, depending on whom you ask – and again, while pretty low-key, it was quite a buzz. I’d been so caught up in record release schlep, the music got a little neglected toward the end of last year – then everything ground to a halt with the enforced idleness of Xmas/New Yr… how I hate it… and it’s taken an age to shake off lassitude and personal shadows. Energy deficit after last year’s progress, or intimations of futility? After all, it’s only music.
I wonder sometimes about my motives. Take the other players at the open mic, for instance; are they doing it “just” for fun? Got something to say? For a pure expression of creative impulse, an articulation of the life urge itself? Delusions of imminent stardom? Because they’re attention-seeking twats?
Ah, who cares: all of the above probably, and no harm in any of it. The point is, things are finally looking up. And in ten days I get to resume playing live, in a decent venue on an interesting bill with a congenial audience. Hopefully. I get to ride and ride those pin-drop split seconds of awareness as the energy of thought-in-sound permeates the room.
O yes, I’ll have some of that.